I've got to work on my resume

Wow.

I just read an amazing resume.
With a cover letter titled "Fine, don't fucking hire me, you can't handle my shit" you know it's got to be good.

Listed under "SHIT I HAVE DONE" you find:
-When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind.
-My brother is the Eiffel Tower
-Direct descendant of Beowulf

It puts my paltry "Accomplishments" section to shame.