Scary Movie Review Month: conclusion

To bring October (aka Scary Movie Review Month) to a close, I'm going to go back over and give reviews and new scorings to all the movies I watched, including the ones that received the stream of conscious reviews.

The Innkeepers
This was a fun spin on the haunted places schtick. It was subtle and quirky.
7 out of 10

Apartment 143
Jump scares galore. But schizophrenia doesn't cause levitation.
3 out of 10

Episode 50
This was just plain bad. I couldn't bring myself to feel anything for the characters.
1 out of 10

13B
What a strange way to be introduced to Bollywood horror.
4 out of 10

The Descent 2
It wasn't as good as the first one. Which I'm sure is cliche to say. But it was entertaining.
5 out of 10

Catacombs
World's worst sister of the year. All years. But, in the end, they deserved it.
3 out of 10

Dread
This one took too long to get to the real 'meat' of the movie. I felt like the movie was almost over before things actually started happening.
4 out of 10

V/H/S
It had promise, but the execution wasn't as good as it could have been. Thankfully, there's going to be a sequel and they'll get a second chance.
5 out of 10

No Tell Motel
I can't.... I just can't. It's that bad.
-10 out of 10

The Raven
Dark and brooding, gory and foreboding. While I didn't think Cusack looked like Poe, I enjoyed the facade.
7 out of 10

Prometheus
This was an incredibly beautiful feast for the eyes. As well as breathtaking in action and creepiness.
7 out of 10

Paranormal Activity 4
I'm beginning to notice a trend here: I really liked 1 and 3, was disappointed with 2 and slightly disappointed with 4. Which is great, because this means that 5 will be great.
5 out of 10

Silent Hill: Revelation 3D
I really enjoyed this one. The video game nerd in me thrived while watching this and really appreciated the hints at Silent Hill Origins and Downpour.
8 out of 10

Scary Movie Review Month:

Today's pick: No Tell Motel: a group of friends are stranded at a haunted hotel.
I'm not too crazy about the name, but I'm willing to give it a chance. Let's hope it works out.

Alrighty, some quick, sepia-toned backstory.
Cute bunny.

Her hair is weird.

Ewww, I don't care what kind of pills they are, I would NOT reach into that toilet, or any toilet for that matter, for them.

What a crappy drive. And what a crappy actor.

Question: how long do flares stay lit? Because I don't they would keep for the hours that they want them to.

Score one for the tough one.

GROSS
How bad do you need that pill?

Well, that's unfortunate and sudden.

You'd think he'd be a bit more... I dunno, sad?

It's never JUST SPORTS

How convenient. Hope you enjoy AIDS

Scariest rocking horse ever.

I. I just can't
I can't really care about most of these people.
They're pretty scummy.
Well, she's not TOO bad. And the other girl's pretty decent. This guy's unconscious, so I can't really tell.

"Tell me everything."
Wait, didn't he just do that?

I've pretty much checked out of this movie.

Score: -1 of 5

Scary Movie Month review: study on fear or meat?

Tonight's movie review is Dread: three college students film their studies on fear.

The philosophy of fear? A study of fear?
This Quaid guy looks like a cross between Michael Fassbender and Willem Dafoe.

And THAT'S why you don't go outside and check on creepers sitting on your porch in the middle of the night.

Heh. "I don't think I want to touch the beast." I agree with you completely, my friend.

This movie is really tapping into my love of editing and filming.
Oh, the old days of being a film major.

I'm... wait. Did you just say that they grew cheese? I really need you to get out. Like, of my house. Of everywhere.

Was that really necessary?
 "The thing that gives you the most terror, can come back at any time."

I really think you should have kept taking your meds.

Ow, that was incredibly awkward, embarrassing and sad. I'm kinda irritated with the main character.

Mr. Fassbender/Dafoe sort of walks that line of overacting/bad acting and being a decent actor/human being.

Wow, temper tantrum much? I hope you plan on paying for that.

At this point, I feel like the movie could have ended.
Oh, wait, Quaid had to go and mess up everything and make the cute guy almost poop his pants.

You know what they say about nosy people...
What sense does it make to wander about other peoples' houses, get all up in their personal stuff, move shelves that don't need to be moved and find things you don't need to find?

Ouch. Right in the self esteem.

An hour in and I'm.. dreading the rest. Oh my! The key to the movie: dread.
I feel like I already know what's going to happen and... yup, it's happening.

No. no no nononononoonononnomonononoonononon
I hate bleach!

What a poorly maintained hospital. Flickering lights, really?

I'm going to need you to not
I'm never going to be able to look at a T-bone steak the same again.

Revenge is a dish best served crazy!

Score: 3 out of 5

Scary Movie Review Month: Day 2

For today's post, I watched Episode 50, which has two paranormal teams with different focuses: one of skeptics and another of believers, getting the assignment of a lifetime.

I picked it because it looked campy and I'm a bit fan of campy.
Also because it had that 'similar to Grave Encounters' feel, which I gave a five out of five, highly recommended recommendation.

So, are there four acknowledged kinds of hauntings? Or is this just for the sake of the movie?

I like that these paranormal inspectors (their designation, no lie) express that they understand haunting and such as part of nature, but something that science can't explain.

Dude, I hate to break it to you, but your fixer upper may be built on an ancient burial ground or something.
So... the ghost hates what they're doing with the place?
The kitchen's got a nice set up, but the dining room could use a bit more creativity. I'm going to have to side with the ghost on this one.

Wait, we don't use all of our brain? I thought it was established that we did.

Ewww... I'm... going to need you to get that looked at.

Gratuitious white text on black background, go!

Why does she constantly look like she's offended by something?
Oh, that's why.

Did he really just say that?
*shudder*
There comes a point where I can't tell if they were going for over the top stereotypes or if they were basing this on a particular person.

Oh that was a perfect kilt joke! Please don't change!

BEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS

Her accent doesn't sound real.

Um... does no one see that?

A line of bees.

Yeah, that's gotta be fake. She just... can she die first?

Just punch him!

Creepy nurse dancer.
I would have preferred not having all of that extra, earlier exposition dancing down the hallway.

With a fork?
Wait... before or after all of her bones were broken?

To be honest, I have no idea what they are arguing about. And I'm not too sure I care.

Oh why do you all of a sudden have an accent now?

Ewww...

Aww... you can save me anytime, Mr. Scottish Dude.

Oh, wow. Did I call it or what?

Did he just say, " I filled her with sin?"
Yes, yes it is all your fault.

Wait, what's going on?
I don't...

Did you, did you really just twist your ankle? That's going to show up later.
Huh, guess not.

I would not go in there.. nevermind.

Oh, look, creeper central.

Uh, yeah, what?
That was confusing. Where did everyone else go?

This gets a two out of five. But only because I'm feeling nice.