Scary Movie Review Month: conclusion

To bring October (aka Scary Movie Review Month) to a close, I'm going to go back over and give reviews and new scorings to all the movies I watched, including the ones that received the stream of conscious reviews.

The Innkeepers
This was a fun spin on the haunted places schtick. It was subtle and quirky.
7 out of 10

Apartment 143
Jump scares galore. But schizophrenia doesn't cause levitation.
3 out of 10

Episode 50
This was just plain bad. I couldn't bring myself to feel anything for the characters.
1 out of 10

13B
What a strange way to be introduced to Bollywood horror.
4 out of 10

The Descent 2
It wasn't as good as the first one. Which I'm sure is cliche to say. But it was entertaining.
5 out of 10

Catacombs
World's worst sister of the year. All years. But, in the end, they deserved it.
3 out of 10

Dread
This one took too long to get to the real 'meat' of the movie. I felt like the movie was almost over before things actually started happening.
4 out of 10

V/H/S
It had promise, but the execution wasn't as good as it could have been. Thankfully, there's going to be a sequel and they'll get a second chance.
5 out of 10

No Tell Motel
I can't.... I just can't. It's that bad.
-10 out of 10

The Raven
Dark and brooding, gory and foreboding. While I didn't think Cusack looked like Poe, I enjoyed the facade.
7 out of 10

Prometheus
This was an incredibly beautiful feast for the eyes. As well as breathtaking in action and creepiness.
7 out of 10

Paranormal Activity 4
I'm beginning to notice a trend here: I really liked 1 and 3, was disappointed with 2 and slightly disappointed with 4. Which is great, because this means that 5 will be great.
5 out of 10

Silent Hill: Revelation 3D
I really enjoyed this one. The video game nerd in me thrived while watching this and really appreciated the hints at Silent Hill Origins and Downpour.
8 out of 10

Scary Movie Review Month:

Today's pick: No Tell Motel: a group of friends are stranded at a haunted hotel.
I'm not too crazy about the name, but I'm willing to give it a chance. Let's hope it works out.

Alrighty, some quick, sepia-toned backstory.
Cute bunny.

Her hair is weird.

Ewww, I don't care what kind of pills they are, I would NOT reach into that toilet, or any toilet for that matter, for them.

What a crappy drive. And what a crappy actor.

Question: how long do flares stay lit? Because I don't they would keep for the hours that they want them to.

Score one for the tough one.

GROSS
How bad do you need that pill?

Well, that's unfortunate and sudden.

You'd think he'd be a bit more... I dunno, sad?

It's never JUST SPORTS

How convenient. Hope you enjoy AIDS

Scariest rocking horse ever.

I. I just can't
I can't really care about most of these people.
They're pretty scummy.
Well, she's not TOO bad. And the other girl's pretty decent. This guy's unconscious, so I can't really tell.

"Tell me everything."
Wait, didn't he just do that?

I've pretty much checked out of this movie.

Score: -1 of 5

Scary Movie Review Month: the one with all the shorts

Today's review is on V/H/S: a group of delinquents, a la Jackass-style, are hired to steal a specific VHS tape  and get more than they bargained for. Lots of found footage abound.
Rented this on Amazon Instant Video since this is only in select theatres.

If this set up is supposed to get me in the mood, it's doing a good job of it: it's getting me in the mood to roll my eyes, call shenanigans and wish all of them dead.

So, magic internet find: camcorder glasses.

Holy tunas, what's wrong with her eyes/face/etc?!

Did she just hiss at him?

Her feet! Is anyone else seeing this?
Why aren't you leaving?

Is she... she is. She's coughing up a hairball.

Now we're in the desert.

What a cute mule! All sleepy and soft.

That's creepy. Like in the movie Big. Which was terrifying. It's going to make you old! Run away!

Take note: do not answer the door when you're in a weird town and there's a creeper just hanging outside.

Nasty toilet breath!

That. was sudden.

Do they all know each other?

She's a bit strange.

So. very. sudden

He's pixels.

"You're all going to die up here." - The Blair Witch Project

"What are you waiting for?" - I Know What You Did Last Summer

"I beat you." -Creepshow
These quotes are from other scary movies and they've all been said in this one short.

I. I don't understand.

Ok, this looks interesting.

This short has promise, but now I can't take it seriously.

Wait what?

So, is this another girl?

Disappearing people?

Adorable costume.

If you're looking for someone, why don't you just call them?

Ok, this one is showing some promise. Some real promise.

That was nice and creepy.

Dude, this. This is. Yes.

Birds out of nowhere!

Why would a cellar seem like a good idea?

Uh oh. That was not a good idea. Chivalry is not such a good idea in this case.

Really?

Score: 3 1/2 out of 5

Scary Movie Month review: study on fear or meat?

Tonight's movie review is Dread: three college students film their studies on fear.

The philosophy of fear? A study of fear?
This Quaid guy looks like a cross between Michael Fassbender and Willem Dafoe.

And THAT'S why you don't go outside and check on creepers sitting on your porch in the middle of the night.

Heh. "I don't think I want to touch the beast." I agree with you completely, my friend.

This movie is really tapping into my love of editing and filming.
Oh, the old days of being a film major.

I'm... wait. Did you just say that they grew cheese? I really need you to get out. Like, of my house. Of everywhere.

Was that really necessary?
 "The thing that gives you the most terror, can come back at any time."

I really think you should have kept taking your meds.

Ow, that was incredibly awkward, embarrassing and sad. I'm kinda irritated with the main character.

Mr. Fassbender/Dafoe sort of walks that line of overacting/bad acting and being a decent actor/human being.

Wow, temper tantrum much? I hope you plan on paying for that.

At this point, I feel like the movie could have ended.
Oh, wait, Quaid had to go and mess up everything and make the cute guy almost poop his pants.

You know what they say about nosy people...
What sense does it make to wander about other peoples' houses, get all up in their personal stuff, move shelves that don't need to be moved and find things you don't need to find?

Ouch. Right in the self esteem.

An hour in and I'm.. dreading the rest. Oh my! The key to the movie: dread.
I feel like I already know what's going to happen and... yup, it's happening.

No. no no nononononoonononnomonononoonononon
I hate bleach!

What a poorly maintained hospital. Flickering lights, really?

I'm going to need you to not
I'm never going to be able to look at a T-bone steak the same again.

Revenge is a dish best served crazy!

Score: 3 out of 5

Scary Movie Review Month: Day 2

For today's post, I watched Episode 50, which has two paranormal teams with different focuses: one of skeptics and another of believers, getting the assignment of a lifetime.

I picked it because it looked campy and I'm a bit fan of campy.
Also because it had that 'similar to Grave Encounters' feel, which I gave a five out of five, highly recommended recommendation.

So, are there four acknowledged kinds of hauntings? Or is this just for the sake of the movie?

I like that these paranormal inspectors (their designation, no lie) express that they understand haunting and such as part of nature, but something that science can't explain.

Dude, I hate to break it to you, but your fixer upper may be built on an ancient burial ground or something.
So... the ghost hates what they're doing with the place?
The kitchen's got a nice set up, but the dining room could use a bit more creativity. I'm going to have to side with the ghost on this one.

Wait, we don't use all of our brain? I thought it was established that we did.

Ewww... I'm... going to need you to get that looked at.

Gratuitious white text on black background, go!

Why does she constantly look like she's offended by something?
Oh, that's why.

Did he really just say that?
*shudder*
There comes a point where I can't tell if they were going for over the top stereotypes or if they were basing this on a particular person.

Oh that was a perfect kilt joke! Please don't change!

BEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS

Her accent doesn't sound real.

Um... does no one see that?

A line of bees.

Yeah, that's gotta be fake. She just... can she die first?

Just punch him!

Creepy nurse dancer.
I would have preferred not having all of that extra, earlier exposition dancing down the hallway.

With a fork?
Wait... before or after all of her bones were broken?

To be honest, I have no idea what they are arguing about. And I'm not too sure I care.

Oh why do you all of a sudden have an accent now?

Ewww...

Aww... you can save me anytime, Mr. Scottish Dude.

Oh, wow. Did I call it or what?

Did he just say, " I filled her with sin?"
Yes, yes it is all your fault.

Wait, what's going on?
I don't...

Did you, did you really just twist your ankle? That's going to show up later.
Huh, guess not.

I would not go in there.. nevermind.

Oh, look, creeper central.

Uh, yeah, what?
That was confusing. Where did everyone else go?

This gets a two out of five. But only because I'm feeling nice.

Rose vs the World

Recently watched Scott Pilgrim vs the World.
It's definitely a movie I would watch again.
The characters were weird but believable, the effects were fun and the music was pretty good too.
I'm not entirely sure why it got all of the backlash it did and still receives.

Anywho, the movie centers around Scott Pilgrim, an average twenty-something slacker in a band who becomes enamored with Ramona, a girl whose lovelife is, well, complicated. Pilgrim has to defeat her seven evil exes in order to continue dating her. He earns coins, 1-ups and a little self-respect along the way.

The world of Scott Pilgrim looks like average modern-day Canada, but it's tweaked a bit. You can travel in subspace, pull huge mallets (my personal weapon of choice) out of your purse and have vegan powers.
Perhaps that's what a lot of people have a problem with: they weren't able to fully able to suspend their disbelief and take the movie at face value.
It's not supposed to represent or teach anything... well, not really: having self-respect is good, cheating is bad, the girl (or boy) of your dreams may not be who you think they are.
It's just a movie for entertainment sake and I throughly enjoyed it.
Made me wish that I had actually started a band in high school and had a huge group of friends for constant hijinks.

I did have a few problems here and there with things that weren't explained. Like the starred doors; I didn't understand them until I read the comic. Subspace was only mentioned once, in an off-handish way, so the connection wasn't easy to make.

It's not movie of the year good, but it's certainly something I would watch again and again. Probably even buy my own copy. It comes out tomorrow, btw.
If you liked the movie, check out the soundtrack and original score.
And don't forget, the movie was based on the Scott Pilgrim comics, which are also pretty fun (actually, more fun).

For Technorati: 7MRZ7BZ5XDUP

Three or Ten?

I've got to say: the first part of the movie was more comical than scary.
The opening credits had me questioning if I was watching the same movie I had selected.
But perhaps, that was the point. And by point, I mean theme.

The Eye 3 follows four young friends visiting their other friend's country, bringing the count to five.
Looking for something to do, Chongkwai brings out The 10 Encounters, a book that instructs on ten ways to see spirits.
The original title for The Eye 3 is The Eye 10; 10 for each encounter.

Some of the ten were pretty common, like Ouija boards, to the strange, like sitting in an intersection of sidewalks and bang chopsticks against porcelain plates to feed the spirits.
A few things you should know: make sure you don't have cheap plates and don't pee on ghosts, it's not polite.

About half way through, when things stopped being funny and started to get, kinda, serious, I started to lose interest. Although, the dance off was pretty amusing. And farting is a good tactic against ghosts.

Definitely recommend watching with friends, if just to laugh at the ridiculous reactions and situations these wacky kids get into. Probably wouldn't watch again or recommend otherwise.

Horatio?

USA Films? Oh it's gotta be good! lol

So, I was recommended Session 9 and told that it would be an interesting review.
Not necessarily because it was spooky, but because David Caruso aka Horatio Caine was a main character.

The movie opens with Horatio er... Caruso speaking off camera, which caused me to dissolve into giggles.
However, I snapped myself out of it by reminding myself that I needed to put on my serious reviewer hat on and delved into the movie... with the occasional fangirl giggle here and there.

Session 9 tells the story of an asbestos cleaning crew that wins a bid to clean out an abandoned state hospital. The building is beautiful as it is eerie. The perfect backdrop, if you will.
The perfect backdrop to allow the human psyche to reign. Each person has their own story to tell.... well, not necessarily to tell. Perhaps... show. Each have their own conflicts, trials and tribulations.
Think: reality TV in an abandoned insane asylum.

The title of the movie comes from recorded sessions one of the workers find. Taking a little break from work out of each day, he listens to the tapes, getting more and more unsettled as he goes along.
And eventually, basic evils take apart the team: greed, mullets, parenting, bad taste in music....

And those little breaks become purposeful and long.
And then there's that Horatio tone.
And then things start getting a little weird.

Asbestos is a hell of a thing.

My recommendation is to watch this movie with others for laughs. Not something I would pay for, but would certainly watch. Wasn't quite scary enough for me. But certainly had me thinking.

So... it's not true?

I've heard that it was customary, in olden days gone by, to photograph one's self with the recently departed.
And nowadays, you'll think it's just an odd photograph until realization overcomes you when you notice that there's a dead person in the photo.
The Haunting in Connecticut opens with these photos and the words, "based on the true story."

Haunting starts off with basic human tragedy: a mother driving her cancer-stricken son home from the hospital. The parents (which are an ass of a dad and a strong yet vulnerable mom) discuss moving closer to the hospital and the financial issues that go along with it.
Ten minutes in, that you already begin hearing those noises that my parents had always referred to as, 'the house is just settling.'

Well, that's not really the house settling...

And when the door that wouldn't open before, suddenly opens don't be surprised if there's spooky stuff behind it.

And suddenly, crabs!

And would you PLEASE keep your dead people to yourself!

And the theme that holds all of these together? The human tragedy that started off the movie.
Each deals with their feeling of hopelessness in their own way. And even the dad, despite being an ass, needs a hug and some comfort.... to an extent.
Human tragedy laced with creepy, spooky things. And coughing up goo.

And it's this human tragedy that kept me going, that kept me watching.
And then, I got into it.
And then, I wanted to know what was happening, what was going to happen and how it was going to end.


And all I can say is: how did they not notice the smell.

I recommend this movie for your viewing pleasure. It was certainly interesting. Not go to the theatre interesting. But still pretty interesting.

And I'll let you decide if it's a true story or not.

Paranormal doodads

Paranormal Entity is today's movie of choice.

Reviews hailed it as the poor man's Paranormal Activity, but I was certainly willing to give it a shot.
And I've got to say, I was not really impressed. The main thing about Paranormal Activity was the feeling of realness. The attention to detail was fantastic; you felt like you were in the couple's home.
However, in Paranormal Entity, while bedrooms were panned over, they felt sterile. It was as if they were lifted from a Sears catalog. Rooms perfectly neat, no posters, no mess, no personal effects.

Well except for the guy's room, which looked like it was purposely made messy. As if the director was like, "Hey pull back the sheets on the bed. Yeah, that's good. Oh! Throw some random change on the bureau. And for the money shot, put some rumpled pants on the floor over there. Oh yeah, it looks like an average dude's room now!"

Except it doesn't.

And then the sister doesn't know how to use a kettle.
Seriously, I had to rewind it because I couldn't believe it the first run through.
Attention to detail, folks. Learn to use a kettle, please.

The 'bickering' between the brother and sister was forced. I was cringing through it.
The mom was.... wishy washy at times, but that might have been the point, so I can't really fault that. Although, it was a bit too easy to change her mind.

So, at one point, the women leave and the brother turns into MacGuyver, complete with fishing wire and bells.
And I must simple ask this... do guys normally have bells? Just, you know, random bells? Hanging around for situations like this...
I felt like I was watching Home Alone for a minute there.

Movie Rule to stay alive #78: don't taunt demons, ghosts or anything that can hurt/kill/maim you. If you do, you're asking for it.

Bells can't save you, you know.
And your doors suck, by the way.

Also, a word to the wise: if you have some sort of demon haunting you, stalking you and touching you while you sleep, you really shouldn't wear provocative things. Sleeping in matching bra and panties set is just asking for trouble.

My recommendation is to watch this movie with friends so you can make fun of it.

In the end, all I could say was, "Wut?"

A tale of love; a history of terror

El Orfanato/The Orphanage was highly recommended by friends, movie reviewers and horror buffs.

The movie opens at, you guessed it, an orphanage where you see children playing, specifically Laura, whom would be adopted shortly after the children's game.
Years later, Laura would renovate and reopen the orphanage as a home for special needs children.
All seems pretty normal.
The house is beautiful, she has an adorable son and a sweetie for a husband.

Then, the movie took a dramatic turn I didn't expect.

And gave me an ending that I adored even though it broke my heart.

I really liked the eerie presence of the movie and the lack of obnoxious jump scares. The intriguing setting and mysterious goings-on didn't hurt either.

I highly recommend this movie watched with the lights turned off and while staying in a creaky house.

The poster and the tagline fit perfectly once I got to the end.

By the way, for those of you that saw it, what do you think Carlos saw?

Pass the candy corn, please

October's here and it's going to be pretty fun; I'll be watching and reviewing a few choice horror movies.
My plan is to post every other day as time and annoying things allow.
Grab a big bowl of popcorn and your closest plushie as we delve into the frightfest.

There are a few must-see movies that have already been reviewed.
Be sure to check them out here, here, here, here and here.