I'm mad as hell....

... and I'm not going to take it anymore!
Literally.

Metformin.
It and I are done. No more. I can't take it anymore. Figuratively and literally.

After my nurse told me to lay off for a week and then restart, I thought, "Alright, maybe this go around will be better."

So, I started taking the pills, again.
I got through the first week alright, again.
I upped the dosage, again.
I did ok until it was near time to up the dosage, again.
Five-ish days into taking two pills, my digestive everything exploded, AGAIN.

I am not pleased....... again.

The Purge

For those of you with weak stomachs, you may not want to read any further.
The following describes graphic pain and wastes of grossness.
Instead I give you this:




Still here?
Alright, for those of you that have a masochistic side, here we go!

Last night started out alright. I had supper, which was two burritos and some fruit and metformin (as it needs to be taken with food).
Then went to study.
When finished, I took the rest of my meds, has some rice, beans and chicken and went to stay at a friend's place, since my bathroom is currently on the fritz.

Around 3 a.m., I awoke with a sharp stabbing pain in my stomach again.
Great, I thought, more pain.
This, however, wouldn't be a reoccurrence of the other night; this would be different. This would be hours long.

In a violent rhapsody of wails, pleading and tears, everything that I had eaten that day was expelled in any and every way possible. For two and a half hours...

At one point, I was puking so hard, I nearly crapped my pants.
Seriously.

I finally got my doctor's nurse on the phone, and after a few back and forths, she suggested I stop for a week, then take one for a week and see how it goes from there...

I'm not exactly pleased with this...

Is this how it's going to be?

It's the pills really....
When my endo doctor told me that I would finally be able to lose weight.... and that all I would have to do is take my meds and follow his advice, I thought, "piece of cake."

Well.... it's a piece of painful cake. Painful, nauseous, exhausted cake.
My new medication listed side effects such as stomach upset, nausea and gas.

How attractive. :/

However, I took this in stride; expecting the first week to be a bit worrisome and for it to stave off as the weeks go by.
This medication is extremely strong, so the doctor prescribed that I take one daily for a week, two daily for a week and finally three daily after that.

The first week went by with no problems. In fact, the meds make me sleepy and coupled with the other meds that also make me sleepy, I wasn't having trouble getting to sleep..... well, more like I would fall into a sort of catatonic state which leads to sleep, but the end result is sleep and that's what matters.

The gas started up at the end of the first week/beginning of the second week. However, I didn't have any meeting this week, so it was quite easy to slip off to the ladies room/outside for less embarrassment.

Two days before I was to begin taking three daily, I woke up completely nauseous. I assumed I was hungry, as I can get sick from going too long without eating. Yet, the act of getting out of bed was a trial. I almost called in sick. For the rest of the day, I was batting back and forth between stomach being pissy and keeping myself close to the ladies room incase my breakfast of lukewarm Cream of Wheat was rejected.
What meals I choked down that day were gooey and soft: Cream of Wheat..... I don't even remember anything else....
I went to sleep hoping that my stomach would be kind the following day.
The next day, I was on the cusp of nausea, yet was able to eat more solid food. I was pretty worried at this point, so I called my endo nurse, who said she would get in contact with the doctor (as he was out that day) and let me know what I was to do....

This was Tuesday. I haven't heard anything back from them.

I was going to study for my Praxis yesterday, since the test is Friday and all, but was too nauseaous to want to leave the couch/bed.

I haven't started taking three daily because I'm afraid I won't be able to eat at all.
This wasn't the way I expected to lose weight. O.o;;


P.S. The pills above are not my current pills. If I remember correctly, they're just a high amount of naproxen that I used to take. This is a photograph from my photography portfolio that was supposed to incite emotions and give a glimpse into states of mind.
The state of mind I was in while taking this photograph was that I thought I took too many pills. Hah, I could laugh at that amount compared to now.

Three times the charm

So, here's my doctor update from my appointment Tuesday afternoon:
My PCOS has caused me to have hardcore insulin resistance. I have three times the amount of insulin hanging out in my bloodstream than there should be.

My insulin sensitivity nearly doesn't exist. except when I get so hungry that I start to shake. Then I'm so sensitive, that there's no more insulin left and I must feed!
This insulin overload is the reason I ballooned from a size 4 to a size 14 in no time. And now struggle to lose one pound.

I'm on a scary rollercoaster who's next stop is diabetes.

My endo doctor prescribed some diabetes medication which will keep the insulin in check and I'll be able to lose weight!

However, I don't want to go back to being a size 4; it was boring. No boobs, no hips, really. XD
I'd much rather a size 10 or 12; I enjoy having curves.
Not only will I be slimmer, I'll be healthy too.

A big downside to this medication is the size. They're like horse pills! I hate taking pills!

What was odd was the printed material on the side of the bottle. It stated that I should wear an ID bracelet while taking this medication.

I was terrified!
The doctor said nothing about that!

I called the pharmacist, who said that only full-fledged diabetics have to wear the ID tag in case they go into a diabetic coma and can't tell people what they are taking.

Another good thing: My symptoms aren't strong enough to warrant a Lupus test.
While I might have it, it's not at a scary stage.

Updates? In my blog?

Off to the endo doctor!
Wish me luck...errr... health!
Will edit later with updates.

Internet doctor....

... means serious bidniz....

So, I was playing web doctor the other day, searching for other ways of PCOS relief besides medication..... and it apparently doesn't exist. Granted, eating healthy and taking exercise helps; but they are nothing without meds. :(

My general doctor subscribes to WebMD and suggested it to me since I insist on playing web doctor. She did it mostly to keep me out of trouble and from hyperventilating over false prognoses.

But yes, as written and told, the best 'medication' for PCOS relief is to lose weight.
However, PCOS ladies can't lose weight without medication. >.<>PCOS occurs when the ovaries don’t make enough hormones for the eggs to fully mature. Instead of releasing a mature egg during ovulation, some of the follicles in the ovaries turn into fluid-filled sacs called cysts. More than six out of every 10 women who have PCOS are also overweight.

Why does polycystic ovary syndrome cause weight gain?

With PCOS, the body has more difficulty using the hormone insulin, which normally helps convert sugars and starches from foods into energy. This condition -- called insulin resistance -- can cause insulin and sugar -- glucose -- to build up in the bloodstream.

High insulin levels increase the production of male hormones called androgens. High androgen levels lead to symptoms such as body hair growth, acne, irregular periods -- and weight gain. Because the weight gain is triggered by male hormones, it is typically in the abdomen. That is where men tend to carry weight. So instead of having a pear shape, women with PCOS have more of an apple shape. (thankfully, I don't have an apple shape, just a big stomach)

What can I do to lose weight if I have polycystic ovary syndrome?

Losing weight not only can help you look better -- it can also make you feel better. When you have PCOS, shedding just 10% of your body weight can bring your periods back to normal. It can also help relieve some of the symptoms of polycystic ovary syndrome.

Weight loss can improve insulin sensitivity. That will reduce your risk of diabetes, heart disease, and other PCOS complications."

The article then goes on to say to visit your doctor, who will prescribe medication and eat healthy. Great, more medication. :(

Well, if it helps, then I can't complain... too much. :P

I'm a size 16 now and I'd like to go back to size 12, or 10 even.
Going to see the endo doctor Tuesday, so cross your fingers and hope these meds are cheap. O.o

BTW: Murmur got altered yesterday and is doing fine.

Fruitier than a Fruit bat

Some of you may already know that I went to look at an apartment yesterday.
It was awesome!
Super tall ceilings, neat little sculpture things where fireplaces used to be, lots of shelves; I was in real estate heaven. It was so quaint and adorable, I wanted to rent it on the spot!
However, the realtor wasn’t sure that water/gas was separate from the fee. And I’m still under my current lease until the end of March.
Yet, it doesn’t hurt to wish.
Will call back Monday to find out info. Perhaps it will still be on the market in March. And perhaps I can save up enough to pay for the extra fees (deposit and such).


Some of you may already know that I had a little breakdown yesterday.
And since this blog also part sounding board for other PCOS sufferers, I thought I would vent a few of my frustrations over yesterday.
While PCOS wasn’t the main assailant in yesterday’s upset, it certainly helped.
Thoughts about how “there is no cure and how it’s really unfair” keep circulating around in my head.
This did nothing but make matters worse.
Sure, PCOS is incurable; but it’s not terminal.
Sure I’ll have to deal with this for the rest of my life; but it could be worse.
Medication is taken to treat the symptoms and aid in my comfort.
It’s not the end of the world. Sure, the world is a difficult place and I don’t really need the added stress.
But just like the poor thing, PCOS gives me character…. crazy, angry character.


I also realized that I said ‘sure’ no less than five times in this post. XD