Updating frequently

Sunday, October 7, 2012

In which I skip a day, but do three reviews

I got caught up in all kinds of happenings and forgot to post my review.
So, to make up for I'm posting three reviews!

Catacombs: where a young woman travels to Paris to visit her sister. Shortly after she arrives, they attend a party in the catacombs. The catacombs that are lined with 7 million dead.

That's a lot of pills. No wonder the dog barked at you.

Your sister is Pink, minus her pink hair.
Hell yeah, I'll go shopping in Paris with Pink. Especially if she pays for everything.

No, no that is not a good idea. In no way whatsoever.

Since when is Absinthe not alcohol?

Ok, that's just nasty. I wouldn't want to swim in dead people sewer water either!


Wait. Stop breathing so loud!
Of course they're not going to hear you. Only the creeper can!

So, the police raids the place, but doesn't make sure it's completely cleared out?!

Talking louder isn't going to make him understand English any better.

I like this guy: when lost in the catacombs of Paris, what do you do? Build a fire and drink wine.

Owowoww ow! That's going to leave a nasty scar.
You know what, you kinda deserve that.

I did not see that coming.
Ok... they all deserved that.

Score: 1 1/2 out of 5
It's saving grace was a shot of Notre Dame.

The Descent 2: it is now two days after the events of The Descent.

So, I'm guessing that we're at the initial entrance to the cave of scary, blind monster things.
This would tie in with the dead miners we saw in the first one.

Since when are rottweilers used as scent dogs?

Oh yeah, let's use this outdated, rusted elevator thing. It looks really safe and operational.

Rock concert?
I thought rock concerts were all about being metal and screaming and listening to music.
Not wandering underground and screaming and running from monsters.
Next person to ask me to go to a rock concert is getting punched in the face.
This is not my idea of a good time.

Awesome, the camera from the first movie. There, now our new cast is up to speed on things.


Ewww.. don't smell that!
If you taste it, I swear...

Awww.. look! They're coming to rescue you!
Except in an entirely bloody and horrible way.

Huh, he's still alive? I feel like I'm going to be saying this throughout the movie.
Oh, what a dick.

That's the nastiest bridge in the history of everything.

And that's the best use of a drill in a horror movie.

Whoa. Wait. No way.
Things are about to get interesting.
Well, more interesting that running away from gross, blind monster things.

Pool party!

Best use of a bobby pin of the year. All years.

Well, that explains the affair question.

Oh, seriously? That's a really dick move.

Wait.. how does one even get onto the police force is you can't aim?
Wait. Was she not supposed to go for the chain?
I don't... ewwww

The monsters seem to be less sound sensitive this time around.
Maybe it's just me, but there seems to be more than enough screaming going around.

Nice symmetry with the first's ending.

Oh no he didn't!

Score: 3 out of 5
Slightly less gore. Slightly less story.

13B: where a new soap opera begins to predict the future of a family.

This is a strange movie.

And THAT'S why I don't drink milk. Well, that and I don't like the way it tastes.

Dude, give up. The lift just hates you. Time for stairs.

Whoa... like The Ring.

I'm curious as to why they say things in English every once in a while.

Uh oh, no good will come out of this.
That's one angry room.

Stairs are good for you.

That's not creepy at all.
I'm sorry to say, but you have a devil house.

And now, a tampon commercial. That's fresh!
Is this musical interlude supposed to represent them having sex?

That's a start dog. He knows what's up.

About time you wised up to your devil apartment.

"Let's pilfer the moon." Actual lyrics from this song.
This is like Full House.
Happiest horror movie ever.

Ouch, to be continued.

This reminds me of a Twilight Zone episode. I think it was a couple and they were stopping in some diner and the radio at the tablet kept predicting the future and they couldn't leave the diner because they were terrified of not knowing what was going to happen.

Man, don't you just hate it when you keep running up the stairs and it turns out that the you've been on the same floor the same time.

Oh, that was funny. You'd expect to be able to break through any window with a chair.

Ok, this has taken a completely different turn than I thought it would.
And the lift finally likes him.

Wait. There's a music video during the end credits.
This is boggling my mind. What does being sexy and things being shiny have to do with scary movies?

Score: 2 1/2 out of 5. There were a lot of things that could have been taken out to save time and keep the movie on track.

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